You’re Not Alone #002
“Yes, They’re Real”
Disney does things well. Attractions are meticulously themed. Shows, both on stage and off, are spectacular. Fireworks displays are breathtaking. Even their waste management is handled with a distinctive panache. And parades? As much as I try to avoid them, I must admire Disney’s unparalleled production values.
Except in one, er, two areas: realistic seashell bras.
Of course, I’m talking about Disney’s The Little Mermaid. As the flawlessly designed and decorated TLM float drives by, my eye can’t help but be drawn to its female centerpiece, the always lovely cast member playing Ariel. However, a glaring piece of this mesmerizing puzzle is missing: real (or even realistic) shells. Disney isn’t fooling anyone. Ariel’s trademark ‘seashell’ bra didn’t come from the ocean. The shells aren’t even those replicas you can buy at the tourist traps along the Irlo Bronson Memorial Highway (you know you’ve been to the one with the giant Merlin head). It’s obviously just a well-tailored piece of fabric sewn onto an often saggy and shapeless flesh-colored body suit. Where’s the Disney touch in that?
Before you start to think I’m merely being misogynistic or glib, hear me out. Isn’t the Disney experience about total immersion in a ‘touch and feel’ storybook world? Shouldn’t anything that rips me out of that world be ‘enhanced’? Sure, Ursula’s tentacles aren’t realistic and slimy, but she’s the villain. Ariel is our hero, and as any boy whose life was changed by a pair of purple seashells can tell you, we need to believe in the dream!
So, if you think that a well-designed and fully functional seashell bra would be far from offensive, and could even help to improve your Disney experience, you’re not alone.
–Chris
RetroDISNEY
“Celebrate the future of Yesteryear!”
