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#016: American Adventure - 6.30.2006
Top 7: “Non-Thrill Ride Scary Things”
Top 7, part deux: “D.E.A.D. List” - (will be posted as seperate entry)

News Stories:

• Official closing date of “Who wants to be a Millionaire, Play It” will be August 19th, 2006.
• John Pepper Jr. was just announced as the new Chariman of Disney.
• Thursday, 12-year-old Michael Russell died after riding Rock-n-Rollercoaster in MGM. It was determined Friday that the boy had a congenital heart defect.
• Disneyland just opened a new “Pirates of the Caribbean” suite atop the Sierra Tower of the Disneyland Hotel. The former Presidential suite has been refurbished to include pirate-themed decor and artifacts from the movies. Call 714-956-MICKEY to make reservations.
• The 10 year promotional agreement between Disney and McDonald’s ended a few months ago, however both companies continue to discuss individual promotional deals in 2007 and 2008, yet neither wish to pursue a long term arrangement.

Top 7: Non-Thrill Ride Scary Things

7.Dumbo, the flying elephant.
There’s two aspects of scary at work here. First, the outrageous heights that this attraction climbs. I like to cruise low-n-slow and keep that elephant secured on the ground when I ride.

Second, the very idea behind it. You want me to believe that there are Carne elephants out there that get hep’d up on some drug that is in the water of all circus performers that allows the elephants to make nice with mice and hold onto feathers as they jump out 7 story buildings in an attempt to fly?! The very notion of that scares the bejeepers outta me.

6.Remnants of the Skyway Ride
These buckets in the sky have made my top 7 lists before. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, picture a big plastic bucket that holds 2 people. Now cram 4 people into that bucket. Lock it with a $3 rusted lock from home depot and suspend it in the air using one metal arm attached to the bucket. Then, allow that arm to travel along a piece of metal that looks like a 1″ thick rope. Dangle it 3 stories in the air between Tomorrowland and Fantasyland. If that’s not scary, I don’t know what is.

5. Orlando Drivers
If you’ve ever been off-property you know what I mean. Orlando drivers are some of the most crazy drivers I’ve ever seen. They’re fast, they weave, they don’t look and all of their cars look like demolition derby vehicles. — If you don’t believe me, turn your TV to a local news station in the morning while you’re getting ready to go to the park. I GUARANTEE that you’ll see at least one accident being covered that’s pretty major… most of the time, it’ll be on I-4. — In any town, that kinda driving is scary! In a town where a significant percentage of the population is tourists that don’t know where they are going … that’s super scary.

4. Wonders of Life
Hang w/ me on this one… yes, there’s a thrill ride inside, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the whole pavilion itself. Its been closed for about a decade now and its just sitting there, collecting dust. There’s been no statements about opening it again, leaving it closed or replacing the stuff inside … no OFFICIAL statements anyway. — Here’s why this is scary… there’s nothing wrong with it. Yeah, its kinda dated, but there’s a lot of things that are. Why not leave it open and let people enjoy some of the rides? Why not announce that something else is on the drawing board for it, or that no one has any idea what to do with it.

And that’s why its really scary … it just sits there. Doing nothing. The third newest building in Future World sits there closed with only a sign saying its not open. Its scary to think that no one in Disney could come up with something to do with that building!

3. The amount of electric ECV rental vehicles in any theme park
Have you noticed this problem lately? First it was the elderly, whatever, I can deal with that. I just wished they would be able to see better and react faster so I didn’t have to have my ankle surgically rebuilt every time they hit me. — Then it was those people… people who had surgery. OK, whatever. I mean, if that were me (and it was once) I’d reschedule the trip for when I felt better. — Then it was the obese. There’s a lot of them. That’s when this really becomes a problem. You look at these people and think: you know, of all the people in the park who SHOULD be walking and getting exercise, its probably you, you who’s buttocks is ever-so-gracefully hiding the fact that a seat was installed onto that vehicle even though I see no evidence of it now. — One of the many reasons I love going to Disney is because I get to walk around and actually work off all the crappy food I love to eat down there. So NOT walking and riding one of these vehicles AND watching the people who drive them, drive them right into PEOPLE … is scary.

2. Joe Rohde’s earing.
Let me be clear from the start of this. I like this guy. I think he’s good for Disney. He’s got an animation and storytelling about him that I haven’t seen at Disney for a long time. He’s got a passion about what he does that’s exciting to watch. However… he’s also got one hell of a freaky earing that pulls his ear lobe down to his shoulder. That’s … scary, thus why he’s on my list.

1. Gary Sinise - I know… I pick on him a lot. He’s got a great career, maybe even a bit better than mine. He’s been in good movies and has that TV show… um… Law and CSI: Miami Victums Unit or whatever. — So why pick on him? I have rule … don’t trust a man who appears in one movie without legs and then the next WITH legs. Its just not right. Its called “committing to the character” and if you can’t do that, you can’t act. And an actor who can’t act is… you guessed it… SCARY.

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Netcot: American Adventure